What's it like having ADHD?

Let me scratch the surface...

Everyone is going to have a different story, because ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), along with all its tasty little comorbid dysfunctions (that’ll be another conversation), is about as unique as your fingerprint. Sure – we can recognize symptoms and know what to look for, but everyone will have a different combination, so I’m gonna be nice and general/vague with all this. It’s just to give you the idea. And I’ll preface by saying I’m trying to keep the mood light. ADHD is heavy enough. I’m finding that adding humor to this whole thing helps ME. I hope it helps others, too.

The biggest breakthrough for me was figuring out I had ADHD in the first place! Oh man…once I pieced together that whole thing, all the other little pieces and parts started lining up like an all-you-can-eat buffet crowd! It was awesome and horrifying at the same time. But FINALLY getting labels to things I’ve been complaining about my entire life – there was some serious comfort in that! It was like I went from reading by candlelight to floodlights. I could finally SEE! NO WONDER why I’ve been so…different…from everyone else! I AM different. I have ADHD. Mine is primarily inattentive (my brain is hyper vs. my body), which is why I was never diagnosed. But I’m actually the combination type. I have a quite few hyperactive traits (where my body/actions chime in), making my ADHD type the most frustrating and confusing. I find myself overwhelmed all the time! But at least NOW…I know why that is, and I can take the steps I need to find my sweet spot, even if it’s temporary.

My brain has a few crossed wires. I’ve accepted that fact, and I’m now embracing the BENEFITS (I’m not kidding) of having ADHD. How the heck is that possible?! Because I have super powers “normal” people don’t have, and I’m one to celebrate victories. (I’ll cover a few of those benefits in my next article - so stay tuned.) I love winning! And winning with ADHD… is exhilarating. It gets old being on the losing side all the time. No one wants to fail at everything they do! At least I certainly don’t. That’s why I stopped playing checkers with my dad when I was about 8. I didn’t win even once in the countless games we played! My brother could beat him, but I couldn’t. I haven’t played checkers since. I’m OVER checkers.

The key here is finding your strengths. What do you do well? For me, it didn’t feel like I did anything well! I’d start all kinds of things because I was interested in everything. Then I wouldn’t finish any of them. Usually, that was because it was either too challenging and I gave up, or I got bored and moved on to the next thing. It gets to the ol’ self esteem when I had piles of unfinished business, along with piles of unfinished projects cluttering up my space. And for me…that clutter creates even more chaos! All my “great ideas” never came to fruition because I couldn’t seem to execute any of them and see them through! There was always an excuse. Not enough time. Not enough money. Not the right time. Not the right place. I was busy. I was out of town. I was sick. I was waiting on my divorce attorney (that became a hobby in itself). I was taking care of the neighbor’s dog. Or the admission said by no one out of guilt and shame…I just full-on didn’t feel like doing ANYTHING so I didn’t. Yep. I know all about it.

ADHD Types

In case you’re unsure if you resonate with all of this or not…let’s touch on the three different types of ADHD: Inattentive, Hyperactive, and Combination (that’s me, along with a lot of us ADHDers).

Inattentive Type

Those with the inattentive type of ADHD may find it challenging to maintain focus, becoming easily distracted by external stimuli or their thoughts. Common symptoms include difficulties in organizing tasks, frequent forgetfulness, losing personal items, and struggling to follow through on instructions or complete tasks. They might often appear daydreamy or off in their own world, making it hard to stay engaged in conversations or activities.

Typical Annoyances:

• Constantly misplacing keys, phones, or other everyday items - I swear to you I could buy a box of pens and they’d all be gone in a week. Where they went…who knows. I know better than to buy expensive sunglasses!

• Missing or forgetting important deadlines or appointments - since we have a crippled concept of time, things can creep up fast! “A day late and a dollar short” was probably said by someone with ADHD.

• Difficulty following along with conversations or lectures - if someone says something thought-provoking…I’m probably gonna chase that squirrel, and I may not come back.

• Procrastinating on tasks, especially those requiring prolonged focus or things you don’t want to do - it takes everything we can muster up to get started! Because starting something…means we’re gonna have to finish it, too. If I don’t want to do it in the first place, that’s going to be tough.

• Feeling overwhelmed by detailed tasks or instructions, or by sheer overload - IKEA furniture is not for ADHDers - they can’t even give us WORDS to go along with their horrible diagrams in that flat box we bring home…not that we’d read them anyhow! But still. Trust me. You’ll either have screws left over, or you’ll be out in the garage digging through your stash to find more, since some were missing. Not that I’d know anything about that.

Let me translate that for you. Your energy is spent thinking. You solve your problems, along with everyone else’s problems – especially at night while you’re trying to sleep, or conveniently while someone is trying to talk to you. You’re the flighty one who can’t seem to get your shit together. Deadlines creep up on you, and you’re notorious for losing track of what you were trying to say, losing track of what someone else was trying to say, and losing track of…things. If you could have 500 hobbies along with a craft room/she-shed to go along with each one, you would. You have a ton of things going on, yet NONE of them ever seem to get finished. You’re curious about EVERYTHING and will spend hours researching like a private investigator on a mission – unless it has to do with reading instructions. Forget those. And the many hours you spend wasting your life away…feel more like minutes.

Hyperactive Type

The hyperactive type manifests through constant motion and an inability to stay still. Individuals with this type often feel an internal restlessness and may talk excessively, interrupt others, and have trouble waiting their turn. They might frequently fidget, tap, or squirm in their seats and show a preference for activities that involve lots of movement. This need for continuous activity can sometimes lead to impulsive decision-making without thinking through the consequences.

Typical Annoyances:

• Constantly fidgeting or tapping fingers and feet - they’re the people who cannot stop their leg from jiggling the entire car at a stop light. Or jiggling the entire table at a restaurant. Or tap out songs with their pen at the conference room table. You know the ones.

• Interrupting others during conversations or in meetings - oh…don’t get me started!

• Difficulty sitting still for long periods, such as during movies or dinners - I really don’t like movies. I can’t stand sitting there that long when I have nothing more I can be doing. Three words: Waste. Of. Time. If I’m gonna watch a movie, it’s going to be at home so I can reorganize the Tupperware, make my next TO DO list, and give myself a pedicure at the same time.

• Acting impulsively, often regretting decisions later - two words: Buyers. Remorse.

• Struggling with activities that require patience and stillness because you’ve got piles of energy to burn - Patience?! What is that? Stillness? You’ve got to be kidding me. Maybe when I’m trying to sleep, and that’s debatable. There’s so much more I could be getting done!

Let me translate that for you. You can’t sit still to save your life, and other people can’t help but to notice. You can be loud, fidgety, and annoyed if there isn’t enough stimulation. It’s like you’ve got an engine under that hood, just waiting for you to take it for a spin! You’re curious about EVERYTHING and have all kinds of different interests to keep you entertained for about five minutes. Then you’ll be on to the next quest. Build it and they will come. And you…have the energy to build it. Those legs and arms won’t stop moving until you’re finally exhausted enough to go to bed. You’re like a shark – you quit moving and you might die! And even if you do get everything else to stop moving, your busy brain will tie the bow on top. And that’s good, because time flies when you’re having fun!

Combination Type

As the name implies, the combination type includes symptoms of both inattentive and hyperactive types. People with this type may experience the full spectrum of ADHD symptoms, such as difficulty maintaining focus and staying still, coupled with impulsiveness and disorganization. They may alternate between periods of deep inattention and bursts of hyperactivity, making it challenging to maintain consistency in their daily routines and responsibilities. And this is no slight exaggeration! The struggle is real and it’s non-stop. Every. Single. Day.

Typical Annoyances:

• Alternating between hyper-focused states and complete distraction - the internal conflict here…can be CRIPPLING. No matter what you do, you can’t find relief for any of it! This one requires getting to know your limitations and learning how to regulate. It’s SO hard!

• Keeping track of tasks and maintaining organization can be a constant battle - words of advice…use the crap out of the calendar app on your phone.

• Experiencing restlessness and difficulty sitting still - I think we’ve already covered this one with the whole movies thing.

• Making impulsive decisions while struggling to follow through on plans - a truly horrible, frustrating ailment! More conflict. Lots and lots of it.

• Feeling constantly overwhelmed by the need to balance numerous symptoms - you’ll find yourself at the corner of Anxiety Street and Depression Boulevard more often than you’d like to admit. This one needs Napalm and a flame thrower - and recognizing things BEFORE they get too bad is key. It’s pushing and pulling at the same time, and no matter which option you choose, it won’t be the right one. You’ll still feel like a failure. And even worse…most of the time you won’t be able to say exactly WHY that is. Because you don’t actually know.

• The inability or GUILT factor of saying, “NO,” because we need to find something to make us feel like we’re contributing - people pleasers R us! Saying no is like turning down a free trip to Cabo. I’m gonna have to be REALLY busy taking care of my design clients (I have to pay the bills) where it’s not humanly possible for me to go, or I’ll need to be in the hospital…

Let me translate that for you. Most ADHDers are a combination of the types – and I am among the masses. You may experience more of one type first hand, making it your primary, but a few weeds may be spreading under the fence. We need to make sure we keep an eye on the runners. If your body isn’t hyperactive, your mind is. And it’s looking for friends constantly! Beware of your need to window shop. More like window buy, because your brain (and body) may run laps around your TO DO list – and shopping is a lovely distraction. Focus on the things you CAN control the easiest. That way, you’ll feel good about having something under control, no matter how big or small that “something” may be. Small victories. Brick by brick, one step at a time.

Any of these resonate with you? I’m going to hope not…because that’d mean you don’t have ADHD. But if you’re sitting there nodding your head like a bobblehead doll…Welcome to the club. THANK YOU for being here, and for supporting me, yourself, or the ADHDer in your life.